Post-Surgery Gifts that Rock

In the days that followed my surgery, my friends did a lot of great things for me that really helped me through my recovery. I thought I would include some of these things in my blog to help the loved ones of others recovering from this type of surgery.

Food
One of my friends (Pushpinder) organized meals for me throughout the first week after I was released from the hospital. Each day, someone would bring me lunch and someone else would bring me dinner. Pushpinder asked me about my likes and dislikes and also asked me if there was any special diet that I needed to be concerned with. Then, she contacted my friends and let each person sign up for a different meal. When they brought me food, they also made sure they brought plenty of leftovers. In fact, I had enough leftovers to carry me through the entire second week following my recovery. This gift not only ensured that I didn't have to try and cook for myself during a time when it would have been challenging for me, but it also ensured that I had at least two visitors every day.

Books
I love to read, so a number of my friends brought me books they knew I wanted to read or thought I would enjoy. Some of the books were purchased as gifts and others were just loaned to me. Either way, I had plenty of good reading material to keep me entertained throughout my recovery.

DVDs
Prior to my surgery, my friend Chris had recommended The West Wing to me, but I hadn't had a chance to watch it yet. So, when I mentioned that it would be great to have a high-quality TV series to watch during recovery, he brought me his DVDs of The West Wing. (I'm in the middle of season 5 now.) This was a great way to spend my time. Knowing that I enjoy Bollywood films, my friend Pushpinder also brought me several of her favorites. Throughout my recovery, I watched The West Wing and Bollywood films. It was a great way to spend my time. I never got bored.

Cleaning Service
When I returned to work yesterday, several of my co-workers had chipped in and purchased 10 hours of a cleaning service for me. This is something that I never would have thought of for myself, but it is an incredibly thoughtful gift that is greatly appreciated. Even though I'm starting to regain my range of motion, it is still going to be difficult for me to clean for a while. I figured I would do surface cleaning for a few weeks until I can actually clean. But, now, I can use this service to get me through it. Actually, I might get used to it and just keep it after my 10 hours run out!

Back Scratcher
I actually didn't receive this gift, but with my limited range of motion the first couple of weeks after surgery, I sure could have used one!

Visits
One of the things I appreciated the most was when people would stop by to see me. I live alone, so it was really nice to have visitors throughout my recovery. That helped to keep my spirits up. Also, I could ask my visitors to do things for me that I wasn't able to do myself. Some of the things my visitors helped out with:

• Took out the garbage
• Cleaned up my kitchen
  
• Cleaned my cat's litter box
• Checked my mail

Ask How You Can Help
I had several friends that called to check in on me on a fairly regular basis. Each time they called, they asked if there was anything they could do for me. Sometimes there was and sometimes there wasn't. But, it really meant a lot to me that my friends were there offering. It's no fun to feel helpless and have to depend on others for everything, even if it's just temporary. But, having my friends offer without my having to ask made dealing with that a lot easier. Here are some of things that my friends helped with:

• Went to the grocery store
• Drove me to doctor appointments
• Fixed my bathroom toilet
• Emptied my drainage cups when it was still hard for me to do
  
• Stayed overnight with me

Thanks, everyone, for everything! I love you all. :)

Updated 8/29/2006: I just want to add that the love and support I got from my family was also a gift. Even though they couldn't be here physically for most of it, they've been here when they can. And when they can't, they've provided me with a ton of encouragement, love, support and prayers. And that too was a gift. So this thanks is for my family. I love you all very much.

Checking in

The purpose of this post is just to check in and let everyone know I'm still doing well and still working on recovery.

I'm still experiencing some discomfort, but I seem to be doing a little better each day. I feel constant pressure in the areas of my surgery. It's weird; sometimes it feels like something outside of myself that, if I could just take it off, would relieve the discomfort. Of course, this isn't possible, so I'm just looking forward to the day when it subsides.

I'm still sleeping in my recliner. I am longing to return to my bed, but I'm not yet able to sleep on my side. And sleeping on my back on a flat surface for an entire night would be rough on my back. My recliner gives my back the support it needs, but I'm running out of comfort options. I keep testing how long I can lay on my side. A couple of days ago, I was so sick of my recliner that I laid on my side on my couch for a bit.

I couldn't lay all the way on my side and I started getting sore after about 20 minutes, but it felt so good to get into a different position! I can't wait to sleep in my bed again. I'm hoping it will be possible by the end of this week. I'll keep you posted.

I haven't driven yet, but will give that a shot sometime this week. I feel like I have enough range of motion in my arms that I will be able to drive without any problems. However, I'm not sure how comfortable the seat belt will be across my chest. I'm also not sure how I will handle sudden motions (like if I had to slam on my brakes because someone suddenly caught me off in traffic). That all has me a bit nervous, but I need to drive if I'm going to return to work next week.

Yep. As of now, I'm planning to return to work next week. My original plan was to return this week, but I'm just not ready yet. I'm still healing, and I'm still feeling enough discomfort that I couldn't imagine having to sit at a desk all day. Next week.

Today, my thoughts are going out to someone for whom I care a great deal that is dealing with his own cancer issues. I've gotten so much good energy and positive vibes from all of you that I'm going to send some of it his way.

No More Cups!

I got my drainage cups taken out today, and I couldn't be more relieved!

I was a little worried about having those cups removed. I mean, I wanted them gone, but I was afraid the removal process would hurt. In fact, I was so concerned about it that I took a Vicodin and two Motrin before I left for my appointment.

When I got there, he removed my bandages and stitches first. He didn't remove the bandages on the left side. Those are on with steri-strips, and will eventually loosen and come off themselves. But everything else was stitches and tape.

When it came time to remove the cups, I asked if there was any sort of topical anesthetic he could give me, but he said that doesn't really do anything. He took the two cups out of my right side out at the same time. He did it fast like removing a band-aid, and it was quite shocking. But, fortunately, it was not painful. There was a half-a-second of pain, but by the time it registered, it was already gone. And the amount pain was also comparable to ripping off a band-aid, so it wasn't bad at all.

When he did the other side, I felt him jiggle the tube, and then he said, "All right, are you ready?" I was braced and ready, but he had already removed it. As it turns out, my doctor has a sense of humor. Actually, he was great and made the process much easer.

The removal was quick and, but for a mere moment, painless. Lori was there and caught the entire thing on video, so that should make for an interesting moment in the documentary.

It is a huge relief to have them out. After we left the hospital, Lori and I went out for sushi. It felt great to feel comfortable enough to go into a restaurant again.

So, I still have a little more recovery time to get the range of motion back in my arms and such, but another big hurdle is behind me.

Feeling Better

I thought I would post a quick update and let everyone know that I'm feeling better today. I did a couple of things yesterday that I think helped.

First, I started using my breathing apparatus thingie again. After surgery, they make you breath into this thing 10 times an hour to make sure you use the full capacity of your lungs so that you don't develop an infection or pneumonia. When I got out of the hospital, I continued using it for a few days, but I was breathing so deeply and easily that I stopped using it earlier in the week.

Last night, I noticed that in addition to everything else I was feeling yesterday, my breathing had gotten shallower. So, I started using the breathing apparatus again. I noticed that I wasn't able to inhale as deeply as I had earlier in the week... although I was still able to surpass the goal mark the nurse had orginally set for me. So, I'm using it regularly again.

Dave suggested that another thing that the breathing helps is my stress level. Getting the news about my pathology report was stressful, and I started feeling poorly the next day. But, deep breathing is really good for stress release and muscle relaxation. So, the deep breathing is helping me on that level too.

Also, in lieu of my thoughts about Vicodin, I decided to cut back again. For the last few days, I've been taking two Vicodin at night to help me sleep. Last night, when I went to bed, I felt so miserable that I didn't want to give up my Vicodin completely, but I only took one. I supplemented with Motrin.

This morning when I woke up, I didn't feel nauseous at all and the prickly skin sensation is gone. I also have more energy than I've had in days. I'm starting to feel good again. And, that's wonderful. So, I'm going to continue deep breathing and probably come off of the Vicodin altogether... with the possible exception of the day I have my drainage cups removed.

Saturday Update

I figured it was time for an update on my current health. I'm still recovering from the surgery, and that's proving to be a little more challenging now than it was initially.

I'm over a week past surgery and the last couple of days have been pretty rough on me. Perhaps it's because I quit taking Vicodin during the day and am relying on Motrin only. At night, I still take Vicodin to make sure I sleep well. It kind of works, I guess.

The last couple of days, I keep waking up a little nauseous. I'm not sure what that's about. Maybe it's just low blood sugar (my appetite isn't all that big right now). I do keep wondering if it's a result of my nighttime Vicodin use, but I usually eat a little something before I take it. And I'm taking less now than I have been since I've come home from the hospital, so it seems like it's not a likely candidate for causing the queasiness.

Another thing I've been experiencing the last couple of days is a decreased range in motion. The first few days after coming home, I found that I was able to increase the range of motion in my arms a little each day. But a couple of days ago, it started getting worse again... particularly on the right side. (The left side is where they took out lymph nodes, and the right side has an implant expander.) When I try to move too much, I feel pain in my arm pit and around the location where the drainage cup tubes exit my side.

Today, I've also felt very cold all day. Actually, now that I think about it, that started last night. When I was getting ready for bed (okay, technically "bed" is the same recliner where I spend my entire day), it seemed like I couldn't get warm enough. I've also noticed today that prickly skin sensation that you get when you're getting sick. I'm not enjoying this and am hoping that when I get my cups out on Tuesday that it will solve a lot of these problems.

This morning when I woke up, I noticed that some of the fluid in my #2 cup (which sits behind a muscle on the right side) was actually leaking fluid down the outside of the tubes. That kind of freaked me out a bit, but after my shower, it seemed to stop. And, the bulb that collects the fluid was still collapsed (which is the position in which it needs to stay in order to keep the suction working), so that means that the drain is still working. I'm not really sure what happened there... I probably yanked it out of where ever it was resting inside, and now it's settled back into a good resting place. That may even be why I feel more sore than I did a few days ago.

One more thing. I got my pathology report back on Thursday. And even though they couldn't find a sentinal node when they did the mastectomy, five of the nodes they did take still showed metastasis. That basically means that the cancer had moved into my lymph nodes. Not a big surprise with this form of cancer, but it was still disappointing to hear. I won't know how much the cancer had grown there and how it will affect my ongoing recovery until I meet with my oncologist again on August 31. That news brought me down a bit, but it's not necessarily terrible news. I don't even know if the cancer cells they found there were active or had already been killed by the chemo. So, we're back to one day at a time. :)

In the meantime, if you've sent me an email and I haven't responded, please don't take it personally. I occasionally get online to check my emails, but I usually don't have it in me to respond right away. When I do have the energy, I try to respond to one or two emails and update my blog at the same time. But, I can't stay online very long because the discomfort I feel under my right arm actually affects how long I can type. After a while, the effort of holding my arm in a position to enable typing becomes too much. But, don't worry, I keep trying to respond to everyone a little bit at a time.

In the meantime, I just want to say thanks to all of you that have sent me warm wishes and prayers. It has meant the world to me to know that I have all this tremendous support out there.

JP Cups

I had my first post-surgery doctor's appointment today. I thought it would be a good time for an update.

I've been doing pretty well this week, and each day gets a little better. My physical limitations are that I can't lift anything, I can't bend, and I can't drive. It really takes the pressure off. I can't really do anything, so I can't feel bad about not doing anything.

Emotionally, I'm doing great. After all the work I did preparing for the loss of my breasts, I found that the reality of the situation wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I think I did most of my grieving and mourning before the surgery. Which was great because when I finally saw the post-surgery incision wounds, I found that I was okay with it. I think I was prepared for the worst and it just wasn't that bad.

By far, the worst part of the post-surgery recovery has been the JP cups. These things protrude from my sides to drain fluid from the space that was left after my mastectomy. Right now, my body is producing more fluid that it can absorb... hence, the cups. In the last 24 hours, two of my three drains actually produced only 2/3 of the amount my body can absorb. So, I was hoping that when I saw my doctor today, he would take out two of the cups.

I can't even begin to describe what a pain these cups are. They are bulky and cumbersome, so I don't want to go out in public with them. They can also be painful when they are being drained. So, I've been looking quite forward to when these cups could be removed. So, when my doctor told me today that he'd like to leave them all in for another week, I was really disappointed.

He explained that if you take out the drains too early, you can get a build up of fluid and you have to remove it with a needle. So, rather than risk that, he opted to keep them in for another week. Another week!

So, that's my most immediate goal... getting the drains out. I'll keep you updated.

Alive and Well

I promised an update as soon as I was able, so here it is. I was released from the hospital about an hour ago, and I'm doing really, really well.

First, I want to thank everyone who was there for me. Some of you were there at the hospital for me, and others were just there in spirit. I appreciate all of your prayers, positive energy, and good vibes. Someone was listening because I came through it all with ease.

As you have read in my previous entries, I was a bit scared going into it. But, I came out of it just fine. I had some great self-hypnosis and relaxation CDs (thanks Jim and Julie) that helped me prepare for the surgery beforehand. I listened to these many times in the days leading up to my surgery. They were amazing and made my surgery very easy for me.

Before wheeling me into surgery, they gave me a sedative, and I don't remember much after that. The next thing I know, I was waking up after surgery. I was in no pain. They kept me in recovery for about half an hour after I woke up before taking me to my room. My family and friends were there waiting for me, and it was wonderful.

I did pretty well the first night except that I was unable to eat much without feeling a little nauseous. We thought it might be side effects from the anesthesia. We discovered the next morning (after I threw up my liquid breakfast) that I can't have morphine. So, they switched me to dilodid. It's about 10 times more powerful than morphine, but they give you a much smaller dose. At any rate, it did the trick. Within minutes of switching me over, the nausea went away permenantly... much to my relief. After that, I was able to get up and move about without dizziness. I was able to eat with confidence, and that's when I started really feeling good.

After everyone left my room the first evening, the nurse came in to check on my incisions. That was the first look I had at myself, and I was completely okay with it. Everything I did to prepare for the loss made it possible for me to see that and not feel bad about it. I had already been mourning the loss, and now it was over. Instead, I found that I just felt this huge relief that the cancer was out of my body. I didn't feel mutilated or anything. I think I had prepared for the absolute worst and, of course, it wasn't that bad, so it made the entire thing much easier to deal with.

There was also something that happened right before surgery that helped me with it too. There was almost a mix-up over whether they were going to remove my right breast. As you know, all the cancer is in the left breast and, at the moment, the right breast was perfectly healthy. Somehow, there was a miscommunication and the surgeon doing the mastectomy on my left side didn't realize he was supposed to do my right side too. He came in and talked to me about it. He wanted to make sure I absolutely understood that there was no medical indication for doing it (in other words, the breast was healthy) and that I wanted to do it anyway. I explained to him that I never want to go through this again, particularly with such an aggressive form of cancer. Once he understood that, everything was a go. But the good thing about that was that it allowed me to confirm my decision and realize that I would have been far more devastated by the presence of my breast after surgery than I was by the loss of it. Nothing like a little perspective, eh?

Anyway, I've come out of it all really well. I feel great physically and emotionally. The drainage bags (called JP cups after their inventor ,Jackson Pratt) are a little weird. And they can be a bit painful when they are being emptied. But, I'll only have those for a couple of days. Cathy and Dave will be helping me out with those. They were well-trained at the hospital, and I have the utmost confidence that they will do fine.

Well, I'm literally falling asleep here as I type this (thanks to vicodin), so I'm going to go now. Blame all the typos, run-on sentences and missing words on the drugs. I'll write more (and fix my mistakes) when I'm more coherent.

Out of Time

It's the night before my surgery and, I have to admit, I'm a bit freaked.

There's no more time left. Tomorrow this becomes real on a whole new level. I've tried to prepare myself mentally for this, but there's no way to really prepare yourself for this.

I'm nervous... not so much about the surgery. I'll be out for the surgery, and it will be over before I have any awareness of anything happening at all. No, I'm nervous about what comes after surgery. About how I'm going to cope with this emotionally.

For me, the surgery is what makes my cancer real. During chemo, I may have had a few days where I didn't feel all that great, but for the most part, that didn't alter me or my life. On the days between chemo sessions, I felt perfectly normal. But tomorrow is life altering. I will not be the same after surgery as I was going into it.

Oh sure. Mentally, I'll be the same. But, when I look in the mirror, the person staring back will be someone who kind of looks like me but is a different shape. I know that my loss cannot begin to compare to the loss of a limb, but, for all intents and purposes, I'm having a part of my body amputated tomorrow. And while it doesn't compare to the loss of a limb, it's still a loss. And, for me, it's a pretty huge loss. And I'm scared about what that will feel like when I wake up. Not what it will feel like physically, but what that will feel like emotionally.

This is the first time in my life that I've had a life-changing event occur of this magnitude in which I actually knew it was going to happen before it did. My mother's death had a huge impact on my life, but I had no idea it was coming until it happened. Technically, I knew the night before she died, when she was already in a coma, but that was it. I've had weeks and months to think about this surgery. Now that it's here, I'm definitely struggling.

Think about me tomorrow. Send me lots of positive energy. My surgery is at 2:45 (Eastern), and it will last about 2.5 hours. Take a moment during that time to stop and think of me... specifically think of me recovering and living a long life after this is all over.

I'll post an update in a few days when I'm feeling well enough. If you are on my call list, you'll hear from someone tomorrow after surgery.

Thanks to everyone for your prayers, your support, and your love.