Cruise Control

Wow. It's hard to believe that I'm standing on the other side of my treatment.

Almost exactly a year ago, I noticed something strange about my left breast. Shortly after, I was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer... a terrifying diagnosis. I remember the fear I felt when the diagnosis was confirmed (somehow I already knew). But, I also remember the peace and confidence I felt after meeting with my oncologist for the first time. I knew when I walked out of that appointment that everything would be okay.

It took a little while for okay to come. First, I had to endure several months of chemotherapy. But I was lucky. I never got sick and even the fatigue was fairly minimal. I felt the effects of chemo the first couple of days following each treatment, but after that, I felt pretty normal.

I even got used to the hair loss and felt perfectly comfortable walking around bald. In some ways, it was even liberating. It cut about 20-30 minutes off of my morning routine because I didn't have to wash and style it anymore. But, after my last chemo session in July, I was looking forward to getting my hair back.

In August, I had a mastectomy. I elected to have both breasts removed rather than risk going through this again. And, as terrified as I was going into the surgery, I always knew that was the right decision. This was the first time in my life I was going to have major surgery, and I have to admit the prospect scared me. It was the first time since my initial diagnosis that I was scared.

When I woke up after surgery, it was with relief that it was over. But since I had absolutely no awareness during the time I was out, it was also with a sense of, "Well, that wasn't so bad." Within a few weeks, I was recovered and back at work. I thought it was going to be difficult to see myself without breasts, but I found that wasn't so bad either. For a while, I even considered skipping the reconstruction. But, in the end, I decided to go forward with it.

In the meantime, I went through several weeks of radiation therapy. My only discomfort was a topical one in the area being treated. It was like getting a severe sunburn. And, although my treatment ended in November, my skin is still tanned in the area.

I even went back for two more rounds of chemotherapy, just in case. It was a decision based on the fact that they had found some live cancer cells in the breast tissue and lymph nodes removed during my mastectomy. I didn't want to take a chance that it was spreading to other areas of my body, so I decided to have a little extra dosage to make sure that it is really out of my system. My last treatment was January 5, and my hair is on the brink of growing back. I have a few fine, wispy hairs there now, but I can see the dark hair just below the scalp getting ready to come back.

Right now, I'm nearly recovered from my reconstructive surgery, which took place January 29. Although I expected a much more difficult recovery, I found that recovery has been a breeze. With the exception of an aching back (as a result of not being able to straighten up completely during healing), I experienced almost no pain whatsoever. My entire medical team has been amazed at my recovery and how quickly my incisions healed.

Today, I met with my oncologist, and I officially have entered the "maintenance phase" (my words) of my recovery. I still have a couple of things left be done with the reconstruction (nipples, for instance), but it's all out-patient surgery from here. Beyond that, I will be taking an estrogen-inhibitor called Tamoxifin to help make sure the cancer doesn't come back (it likes to attach itself to estrogen).

There is now no longer any evidence of cancer in my body and my blood counts are good. From here on out, I will be seeing my oncologist and my radiation oncologist, alternately, every three months. I'll see my oncologist in the spring and fall and my radiation oncologist in the summer and winter. This will continue for a few years. I won't be tested any further unless something happens that causes us concern. So, at this point, it's kind of like cruise control.

So, I made it. I'm officially a cancer survivor. I'm happy and grateful... and I'm ready to give my focus to something else. So, with that in mind, I will be posting less frequently on this blog. After I'm fully recovered from my surgery and my hair has come back, I'll post an "after" photo. I may also occasionally post information about breast cancer, but, for the most part, I won't be posting to this blog very often.

However, if you want to keep up with what is going on in my daily life, feel free to check out my other blog: My Stream of Consciousness.

I just want to send out a thanks to all my friends and family that have been there for me throughout this process. I also want to send a thanks to everyone for their prayers and positive energy. I know there are plenty of people out there that I've never even met that kept me in their prayers and sent me positive energy. Thank you... thank you all.

Post-surgical Update

I'm home recovering, and I thought I'd take a moment to update everyone on my recovery.

My recovery has been going phenomenally well. I haven't been experiencing much pain at all. Although I was on Dilaudid for the first couple of days, I didn't really use it much after the first 24 hours.

After they took me off the Dilaudid, they allowed me to take vicodin on an as-needed basis, which wasn't much. I came home on Friday and, although I was given a prescription of vicodin, I haven't needed to use them at all.

I still can't walk completely upright and that will take a few weeks before I'm completely recovered in that aspect, but I feel great, and I make a little progress each day.

My experience in the hospital was a little different this time because I had asked Cathy to come stay with me after I got home from the hospital rather than staying with me while I was still in. Last time, I had someone with me the whole time, but this time, I was mostly on my own. The hospital staff was incredible though.

I had a guided imagery CD that I listened to religiously after surgery. The CD was called Preparing for Surgery and was broken into three parts:

• Preparing for a successful surgery, which you listen to the days leading up to your surgery
• Preparing on the day of surgery, which, obviously, you listen to the day of surgery
• Healing well after surgery, which you listen to during your recovery

The last time I had surgery, I used the first part a great deal, but didn't use the second part at all and didn't use the third part very much. This time, I listened to the first part a little bit before surgery, but listened to the second part on the morning of my surgery and listened to the third part religiously every night ever since I had my surgery.

I really attribute that CD to how well I'm recovering. I've had almost no pain, compared to my first surgery in which I had a little more difficulty with pain. And this surgery was supposed to be the more difficult one. I think it will still take me longer to recover because I can't straighten up completely for a while, but the pain is significantly less. I would highly recommend this CD to anyone having surgery.

I also wanted to let people know that you needn't worry about disturbing me if you want to call me and see how I'm doing. I didn't get many calls or visitors in the hospital this time, although my hospital stay was quite a bit longer than the first one. I think it's because people didn't want to disturb me in case I was napping or not feeling well. I can only speak for myself in this scenario, so if you have a loved one going into the hospital for any length of time, I would recommend talking to them about this beforehand so you know how they'll feel about it. For me, I looked forward to hearing from people. The days in the hospital were long and they all bled into one another. Hearing from friends and family is really all I had to look forward to while I was there, so the days without many visitors or phone calls were especially long days for me.

And, now that I'm home, I'm doing much better and for the last few days and the next week, I will have someone with me most of the time, so I won't be lonely. But, if you want to know how I'm doing, please feel free to call me. When I'm sleeping and I don't want to be disturbed, I turn my phone ringer to silent, so you won't wake me up. And those phone calls (or emails) are the way that I know that you care how I'm feeling, so please don't worry about disturbing me. During difficult times, I would far rather be disturbed than be left alone.

Well, my laptop battery is about to run out. Thanks to everyone for your warm wishes, your prayers, and your positive energy. All of that has also played a big role in my recovery.

Thanks.