4:30 AM

That's what time I woke up this morning... at which time I was unable to return to sleep.

I tried. Believe me, I tried. After an hour of tossing and turning, I gave it up as a lost cause. During that time, I began noticing a persistent headache and slight queasiness. I tried to ignore it, but it wasn't to be ignored.

This was not the effect of chemotherapy finally rearing its ugly head. Nor was this some precursor to illness that my decreasing number of white blood cells were unable to fight off. No, this was something easily treatable, but to treat it, I had to resign myself to giving up on sleep for the night.

At 5:30, I finally got up... and made myself some breakfast. I was hungry. As I lay in bed trying to stave off these obvious feelings of hunger, I began thinking about why I was so hungry. (Thinking... the death knell of sleep.) I realized that I had eaten a pretty light lunch yesterday (although I felt quite stuffed afterwards) and had eaten an equally light dinner.

These lighter meals definitely are the direct result of chemotherapy. My appetite has decreased significantly. I've been trying to move to the "grazing" method of eating... so that I don't eat very much in one sitting, but I eat all day instead. This is actually supposed to be healthier for you anyway, and it works well with my reduced appetite. It's hard to break the habit of eating only three meals a day, though. We're trained that "in-between meal snacks are bad." But, I've gathered a whole lot of healthy snacks for the occasion. I have fruit, yogurt, cottage cheese, and not a single cookie, chip, or chocolate candy in the place. Last night, I actually intended to have some yogurt, but I was on the phone most of the evening and never had a chance.

I can't help but wonder this morning if that yogurt would have provided me with another couple of hours of sleep. I have to be feeling pretty hungry for it to wake me up. In the past, my method for dealing with headaches and feelings of queasiness from such illnesses as the flu is to sleep through them. I'm a good sleeper. So, it was really disappointing to not be able to sleep last night. Particularly since I'm having chemo today and know that my body could really use the rest in preparation.

I'm not nervous about the chemo. The treatment session itself is pretty easy. It's the two days following chemo that are rough... mostly due to energy drain. As anyone who knows me can attest, I'm usually chock-full of energy. I've usually got several big projects going on in my life at any given time (like writing/directing/producing a film while undergoing treatment for cancer). So, when I'm devoid of energy, it's a bit of a challenge for me. I'm not used to it.

The plus side of the lack of energy is that it's a good excuse for afternoon naps. I've always enjoyed a good afternoon nap... especially if I can sleep in the sunshine coming in from a nearby window. There's something really comforting about being wrapped in the sleepy warmth of sunshine.

So, I've got that going for me... today, I can look forward to an afternoon nap. :)