Surgery

The time has come to start thinking about surgery. It's still a couple of months away, but I'll be having a consultation with the plastic surgeon who will be doing the reconstruction next week.

I have to admit that I'm feeling a little anxious about surgery. I've never undergone any kind of major surgery before. I have no idea what it's like to be anesthetized. The surgery is supposed to be long... on the order of about 10 hours. The hardest part about the surgery, or so I understand, is the reconstructive part.

Right now, some of the nervousness is due to knowing nothing about it. I feel better when I know something about what I'm facing. I know it's all the "fear of the unknown" and such, but it doesn't really help knowing that. The fact is, I still don't know anything about it. But next week, I'll have a conversation with the surgery. I have questions for him, just like I did my oncologist. And when I walk out of his office, I will be armed with knowledge. For me, knowledge makes things better. Knowing, even if it's hard to face, is a whole lot less scary than not knowing.

Tomorrow, I go to my 5th chemo session, and my first session with Taxol. I'm halfway through... halfway through chemo, that is. After chemo comes surgergy. And the the other stuff that I'm nervous about... recovery. I'm not nervous about recovery, per se... I'm just nervous about how difficult it's going to be and how long it's going to take. I know just enough about the recovery phase to be dangerous. I won't write about it until I know more.

I am going to tell you all now that I don't want to go through that alone. After I know more about how long I'll be in the hospital after surgery, and what I need at home after surgery, I'm really going to be calling on my friends. I'm hoping Cathy will be able to be here for part of it, but I know that I'm going to want my family near for this. And when I say "family," I'm including all of you who have been my family throughout the years, even though we have never been related. You have been so supportive of my through this, and I'm definitely going to need that support a little bit longer.