Rough Sailing

Yesterday, I had a particularly rough day. I don't have many of them, and even as rough as it was for me, I recognize it could have been a lot worse.

The thing is, I feel so good most of the time, even on chemo days, that I forget how much it affects me... particularly when it comes to energy. I got up feeling great yesterday, so I cleaned my bathroom and my kitchen. I had people coming over for rehearsals for my film project (the one that's not a documentary), but I knew I'd be sitting most of the time, so I wasn't too concerned.

By the time they left, however, I felt terrible. A woman in my support group once remarked that she often had trouble distinguishing between nausea and hunger. Yesterday, I learned what she meant. By the time everyone left my house, I had a splitting headache and was queasy from hunger.

I immediately ate some lunch and then took a nap. My nap lasted 4 1/2 hours, so I'm not sure it can still be considered a nap. I woke up feeling better, but soon after that queasiness set in again. I wanted to eat, but I didn't feel well enough to eat. Finally, I pulled some saltine crackers out and ate a few (okay, more than a few), and instantly felt better.

During the three days around chemo, my body feels different to me. I am acutely aware of my stomach, my heartbeat, my breath, and my head. Normally, I don't feel sick at all, but on those three days, I do have an "awareness" that isn't there the rest of the time. Yesterday, was the first time that awareness moved into something other than just that while I was still on my anti-nausea regimen. (I experienced this once before when I stopped taking the anti-nausea meds too soon after chemo.)

Today, I'm fine. It's reminded me of the importance of feeding myself regularly. I really think that it all stemmed from my being hungry. Except with the chemo in my body, it didn't register as hunger... it registered as queasiness. (Still not enough to register as out-and-out nausea, thank goodness.)

Happily, I'm feeling recovered today and will be eating on a regular schedule today. :)