Counting Down

I had my 7th chemo this week. It's hard to believe that I'm almost done.

This week was a breeze. I actually went by myself because things fell through with the person I was hoping to have join me. I didn't even try to find a replacement person because, in some ways, it was easier to go alone.

Now that my toxic cocktail includes Benadryl, I usually sleep through the entire session. When someone is there, I feel obligated to try to stay awake and talk to them. After all, they did come there to keep me company. It kind of sucks for them to have to just sit there and watch me sleep. But this time, I got all cozy with the blanket my cousin Carolyn sent me (thanks, Carolyn, I love it) and just let myself pass out.

I was also a little nervous about getting sick. I got sick last time and I didn't want to have someone be there just to watch me get sick. So, I was glad to go alone this time. I was also glad to not get sick. This time, they pre-administered an anti-nausea drug and I had no weird side effects.

I did talk to my doctor about my concern that I'm not really noticing any big changes since starting the Taxol and, in fact, some of the intermittent breast pain had returned. (It went away completely after my second AC treatment.) This was a concern to both of us, so we decided that I would monitor my symptoms this week to see if I continue to get it. If, when I return for my next chemo session, we feel that the Taxol isn't really doing anything, we may switch back to AC for my last treatment. He may even add one additional treatment of AC. We're going to play that by ear though.

I have to admit that I'm ready to move on to the next phase of this. You can't really get away from having cancer. It's pretty much with you 24/7. And, frankly, I'm getting tired of it. I'm ready for the next big thing to feel like I'm moving past this. My attitude about recovery is still great, but I think that's actually why I'm getting sick of this. I'm certain I will recover, so now I'm just ready to get on with it! At least when I go to get my surgery, I will feel like I'm making progress again. Without any visible results from the Taxol, I feel a little stalled.

With that said, I also recognize that I'm actually almost there. So, it's good that I'm ready for it. A few weeks ago, I wasn't ready for it. In fact, I was a little frightened by it. But now, I'm ready for it. Hmmm... perhaps I am making progress.